When is a boulder not ok?



It was a cool night in late October, and I was walking at dusk, looking for a Jamaican restaurant that didn’t exist. I was young and with a boy I liked who was from the East coast and who wore a hand-sewn satchel under his sweaters to hold stacks of ephemera that he’d anonymously distribute everywhere he went. His ‘free write me books’ were a form of public art that consisted of short stories (somewhat true) about people and places that he knew and loved—3 pictures, 3 paragraphs, and a PO box encouraging readers to write back. One time I did write to him and that was part of how we met and ended up together that night searching for a meal that would remind him of home. After about an hour of following hunches, we ended up hungry in front of a Whole Foods.

We gave up the search and settled for a picnic of havarti, apples, and bread under the closest grove of trees. We weren’t disappointed; we had pocket knives and a few napkins and there was a thrill to just finding each other and a little free space in the city to improvise an open air dinner. We sat on a small triangle of hard-packed dirt tucked above the cut of the four-lane freeway as it curved through the NW part of the city. The cedars there held the hum of the road and caught cones of car light in their branches. I don’t remember a no trespassing sign, but maybe there was one. I don’t remember what we talked about. I do remember, despite protests, slipping a fold of dollar bills for dinner into the pocket of his tape-patched down jacket as we left the store. It was the first of many meals we’d share together over the next 17 years. 


Since that night, our lives and neighborhoods have changed. We navigate the city differently now, but still pass by that dinner spot and feel fondly for how easy it was then to find an in-between space—a pocket amidst the cement order of buildings and traffic.  Over the years on errands or walks we’ve seen other people and animals using the same spot too: resting or congregating, squatting to pee, eating, storing food, or pitching a tent and sleeping.


Sometime in the 2010s, a chain-link fence went up around the perimeter, enclosing most of it and hindering human access. Now, behind the chain link, the cedar trees stand choked amidst a carpet of boulders, the irregular stones are tetris’d tightly together and secured to the ground with a thick layer of pasty gray cement. The boulders almost all come to a point, rarely a flat top rock among them. They take up all the available space, so thorough and so thoroughly lacking in tenderness.